I S A A C
Isaac
Everything about Isaac's birth was different. This time it was a planned caesarean birth, which was a wonderful and positive start. I very blissfully started my breastfeeding journey but I was completely unprepared for what was around the corner. I very naively thought that because I had ‘cracked’ breastfeeding with Lucas the second time around it would be a lot easier!! I couldn’t have been more wrong!
We had skin-to-skin whilst in theatre and had uninterrupted skin to skin for a couple of hours in recovery. Isaac showed interest in feeding and latched on and fed - winning! However, he fed endlessly and seemed frustrated, leading me to express colostrum and feed it to him. Isaac had to undergo regular blood sugar tests due to my gestational diabetes, and his levels were a concern, requiring more feeding and supplementing with formula.
Despite receiving reassurance from midwives, I knew something wasn't quite right with his latch. Exhausted and in pain, I reached a breaking point, deciding to give him formula when my husband offered support. The midwife's disapproval of my choice was disheartening, but I needed a solution for both our well-being.
For the rest of our hospital stay, I would put Isaac to the breast first and then offer him some formula milk. His blood sugar levels stabilised and we had wet and dirty nappies. I thought everything would be ok when we got home.
Upon returning home, breastfeeding struggles persisted, and Isaac's weight loss raised more concerns. A different midwife suggested checking for a tongue tie, which we discovered he had. However, there was a long wait for treatment, and I turned to breast pumping and formula supplementation until we had the tongue revision.
Pumping was hard work. It was uncomfortable, arduous and I got a teeny tiny amount every time. As a result, we found that we supplemented with formula more and more. I was well supported by everyone around me but I still felt like a failure. Why couldn't I feed my baby? Why couldn't I provide for him the same way I had for his big brother?
I will be honest I spun into a dark place, I was bottle feeding Isaac and then trying to pump. But I was exhausted, in a whole world of pain, plus we had an incredibly active toddler to run around after.
It was a close friend and fellow midwife who finally opened my eyes to the reality that formula feeding was a valid and healthy choice for Isaac. Her reassurance and support were the turning point. We made the switch to formula feeding without hesitation. Isaac thrived, and his happiness and growth spoke volumes.
Isaac is now a thriving 8-year-old full of energy, and you wouldn't know he wasn't exclusively breastfed. When asked about my breastfeeding experience, I proudly say that we breastfed for a short time, but we found a solution that worked for us, and he's as healthy and happy as can be.
Further thoughts…..
Hindsight is a beautiful thing!! What I will say with absolute certainty is that my journey with Isaac helped me realise that infant feeding is not black and white. Similar to birth it won’t be linear and everyone will have differing experiences.
Isaac and I both flourished and thrived when we made the switch to formula milk. It was the very best decision for us as a family unit. As a family, we all needed to function. Yes, breastfeeding has many benefits but so does having a mother who is mentally, physically, and emotionally well.
There is no right or wrong way to feed your baby and there is no simple answer.
Yet I am here to tell you wholly and truthfully that there is a very wrong way. One heavily laden with guilt and worry. In society the mother gets swept up in what is right and wrong, societal pressures and norms. We often forget that the mother has feelings and she has also just given birth. Which at times can also be a long and complicated road. Following the birth many questions centre around baby: how often is the baby feeding? how many wet and dirty nappies? We are sometimes so honed in on baby that the mother is all too often forgotten.
We need to hold the mother and family and if this happened many other things would naturally fall into place.
So the wrong way to feed is full of guilt and worry. You HAVE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU, YOUR BABY AND THE FAMILY DYNAMICS! PERIOD! No matter how that may look for you. I’ve had three very different journeys. All of my children are fit, well and healthy. The child that I barely breastfed is now 8, running around and living life to the full. He isn’t and wasn’t effected but I was, and if I could stop any mum feeling how I felt during those dark days I would. If what I have shared this past week has helped just one mother feel less guilty, I am happy!
As with everything preparation, education and support are key. This applies to both birth, infant feeding…..and well life in fact!
Steph x