Isaac is 5 today
Isaac is the baby that made us rip up all of the parenting books. He made us question our parenting skills daily. Lucas lulled us into a false sense of safety and comfort. This parent malarky is easy - let’s have another!!
After my birth with Lucas, Rory and I talked a lot about what we would do if we were lucky enough to conceive a second baby. Lucas’s birth had caused both physical and emotional trauma. Even back then before I knew about Hypnobirthing I knew that labour was very much mind over matter, and the honest answer is that I didn’t trust my body anymore. After a lot of discussions with both Rory and my amazing consultant, we settled on an elective caesarean section. It was a decision we were happy and comfortable with. I felt like I could enjoy the rest of my pregnancy, finally look forward to the birth.
5th March arrived and it was VERY surreal walking through the hospital doors knowing that we would be meeting our baby boy that day. I was so nervous. I’ve seen many caesarean sections during my time as a midwife, both planned and unplanned. I knew the process, what they would do, what I would do and I knew without a doubt there would be pain involved and a long recovery.
The actual caesarean section went very smoothly, even my gestational diabetes decided to behave!! At 09.33 we heard Isaacs little cry. He was quickly checked over and then passed to me for skin to skin. Having the initial skin to skin in the theatre was so special. Yes, a little awkward and I felt like I was wearing a baby scarf. But Rory and I were in our own little bubble getting to meet our little man for the first time. The softness of his skin, his warmth and beautiful smell. Time stood still for us.
BUT something felt odd. I had just given birth, but something about it felt so impersonal. The chit chats about yesterday evenings soap drama, some loud radio station blaring. Somehow I missed the connection of the actual birth and then my baby suddenly appearing over the screen.
Now I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. To them, it was just another day at work, just another caesarean section, just another baby. But this was the day I finally got to meet my baby, the day I had been dreaming of for the last 9 months, such a special and monumental occasion, whizzed by in such a blur.
The care I received was beyond amazing from my wonderful colleagues. The calming and reassurance from the anaesthetist, my wonderful friend and colleague ensuring I wasn't in any pain, helping initiate the first breastfeed, caring for our every need. The support I had was above and beyond. The midwife booting me out of bed the next day and reassuring me that no Steph your wound will not come apart!! The midwives helping me for hours and hours to breastfeed Isaac (he didn’t take to breastfeeding). It was odd having Isaac at my place of work, but I felt safe, I knew I had nothing to worry about.
I still bonded with my baby, felt that massive rush of oxytocin, cried tears of happiness, euphoria and immense love. I had still given birth, it was just as special as the birth with Lucas. I had still become a mummy for the second time. I don’t regret electing for a caesarean section. But on reflection, there are things I would have changed (isn’t hindsight wonderful)? I would have definitely written a birth plan, to have asked for the noise levels to be reduced when Isacc was born so my voice would have been the first he heard. For the screens to be lowered, so I didn't miss witnessing for myself Isaac being born.
I learnt a lot and back then I didn’t think I would do it all again a couple of years later.
Happy Birthday Top Man
xx